oneparkavenuereality.com

Some pics I took while waiting on the return/exchange line. I have some video footage as well. If you beg, I will post. I am not kidding. Serious begging, or else nobody views the clip. It’s a boring clip…but some of you might like it.

Walmart Expands to the Banana Republic

Walmart: attracting shoppers of all ages

This poor guy has the worst job in the world!

I am unsure at this point if anyone has grasped the situation. So, I will inform. The title of my previous BP (Blog Post for the slackers who forgot the newly minted abbreviation) appeared in parenthesis. Do I not rock? Am I not the sultan of irreverence? Who does that? Nobody? Until I showed up.

Yes. Of course. Ten years down the line, some punks will begin to adapt to my gonzo form of blogging. However, let it be known; I was the first. It was I who set foot on this path. Who paved the road to the dainty destination.

As has been corroborated in various forms of analytical software, this wretched blog garners a minuscule amount of traffic. Am I ashamed? Not quite. In fact, I think it would behoove me to create a bumper sticker that boldly reads “I am the proud owner of a shitty, shitty blog”. Hmmm. Maybe even kitchen magnets. Mugs. Heck, I can create an empire!

So; so few of you actually come here. We are therefore a close-knit community. Whether you like it or not. This is the reality.

It has come to my attention that one of our dear siblings has been given the shaft by thedenimbutt.com, I site once gloated upon, by me, on this very parcel of cyber property. Here.

Brothers and sisters. We cannot sit by idly and fold our hands while one of us deals with this calamity.

The question is: does the denimbutt.com have the predeliction of lying out of their ass?It seems that others have been taken advantage of as well. You can read more here. And thedenimbutt.com is part of luleeta.com.

Consider yourselves warned!

Well, well, well. Guess who finally decided to show up and add something to his blog? I’ll give you three hints:
1) he is unabashed
2) he continues to molest the English language (see #1)
3) seriously, two hints should suffice.

Before we cast our net on the topics for this evening, I would like to inform my dear readers that. My previous sentence ended in middle of a thought. How awesome is that? Huh?

Another thing to inform you is that there is more than one person who reads this blog! And I am not counting myself, because, frankly, I do not read trash.

So, big props to Ben & Rebecca. It is beyond my scope of comprehension. As to why they come here. In fact, I am considering a restraining order. Kidding!

I love you. Madly. Falsely. And shallowly.

Fact of the matter is, I have other stuff to day as well. But. And a big but. Not a bubble but. Just a big but. I will save it for the next post.

See you there!

The folks of Oglivy have cruised my blog. Splenda! (That’s a brand of sweet and low for all of you who use real sugar.)

And I have proof of the mather matter. Their DNA has surfaced on my radar.

Normally, I would choose to ignore of a visitation of such magnitude.

Oglivy, for those of you who use authentic sugar, are the folks who invented the billboard. Long story short, in the early 1600’s, there was a man called “Elroy McFudsmith”. I am not sure what exactly transpired next. But I do know this. Oglivy is rather large ad company.

So, to the folks from Oglivy who window shop this piece of web property, I say: Welcome. Please make yourself at home. You can even lounge on the leather couches in the living room.

Comfortable? Good. Help me! Get me out of this One Park of Domain. Hire me. Give me my own office. With a secretary. Do you see how low I have fallen?

Just a few months ago, I was living large in a Montreal basement. Today…I have become the official Rabbi of YouTube.

SOS.

Truth is, as stated in my previous post, I may want out of this blog. But before I might leave you stranded….just need to preform a public service.

You see, I just checked by blog stats for the day. And of course, it was another pitiful day of traffic. However, there was a glaring glare facing me in the face.

The blog got a bunch of traffic from people googling for a “j crew coupon code“.

Makes sense. After all, today was Cyber Monday. Many moons ago, I wrote a post titled “yahoo suggests jcrew coupon code“. As a result, if you make a search for “jcrew coupon code“, my blog is on the first page of results. (If that achievement alone does not make me sexy, I give up.)

Problem is…that specific post does not contain any coupon code. So, essentially, people are coming here for nothing; cause you and I both not, there aint nothing to read in this joint. (To defend myself just a bit; that blog post does inform people how to find current coupons…)

Problem solved. I think. And hope. Below is a Jcrew.com newsletter from today. If you scratch the email, you can actually sniff Jcrew CEO Mickey Drexler. The offer is “free shipping on orders of $175 or more“. Pretty crappy coupon in my opinion. The code is: FSA-1127.

Good Monday. But first. A thank you. To a Talmud translated into English. That’s how I learned the word “throe”. Not exactly sure what it means, but I can bluff my way through a contextual usage!

Big news for all my blog readers. John, you there? Adam, are you reading this? Good. We’re all here. All three of us. Proceed. Who me? Yes me.

So, this blog all started because of a forthcoming TV show. The name of the intended TV show was “One Park Avenue“. However, it has now been confirmed that the show will be dismembered. Read more here.

So what now? Do I trash this blog? Should I frame it? Freeze it? Any ideas?

And I have the proof to back that up….

Gap has a shoe site. It is still in business. The site is pretty. Besides the green. What gives? It’s an ugly color. The blue is nice though.

We know that Gap is hemorrhaging. Btw, if anyone is a Blood Type O, we urge you to donate some blood to Gap Inc. This cadaverous clothing company is in need of a blood transfusion. In fact, with a bit of irony, Product RED has been a blessing for Gap.

To put things into perspective, AIDS is the best thing that has happened to Gap in years.

Things at Gap are so crappy, I hear that the citizens of Africa are raising money to help out this struggling corporation!

So, the geniuses at Gap decided they needed celeb power for Piperlime. To who did they turn? Rachel Zoe! What the hell were they thinking?

Check out this new poll from US Weekly Magazine.

Good going Gap. I can always rely on you for an entertaining gaffe!

The other day, not today, there was an article in the WSJ. The paper. Not the online edition. Not in swim suit edition of the Journal either. It was in the standard print WSJ.

The article was about how online retailers, specifically, ebay, amazon and overstock, are losing ground to traditional retailers, in particular, Target & Walmart.

FYI, there was another piece in today’s WSJ (yes, it’s the only paper I read) about Walmart stores being a boost to malls! All the foot traffic is a benefit to the other shops. Cool, no?

Anyways, I noticed lately how Walmart & Target are both ramping up their online presence. Screen shots are from today.

Target is running a promotion with David Blaine. More here.

This Friday is a big shopping day. People spend a lot of money. Retailers get happy. Consumers begin racking up debt.

The event is called Black Friday. Why? Because traditionally, this is the day that retailers exit the red (losing money) and enter the black (making a profit).

Applying this color scheme logic, consumers ought to refer to this day as Red Friday. If July 4th were to fall out on a Friday, would the auspicious day then be called “red, white and blue Friday?” I love it. Let’s make a coalition and institute ASAP.

Anyways, check out the pre-flyer from Walmart. Them guys be selling a big flat screen for cheap dollars. Maybe I go with a camcorder to check out the scene.

Does y’all reckon that these folks will create another franchise called “smashmywalmartplasma“?

Btw, have you subscribed to my YouTube channel? Me thinks not. For shame. I hate you until you subscribe. Thereafter, I shall heart you forever!