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Am I safe? Am I being followed? Are the people following safe? If I ever own a home, will I install a safe? And if I have a safe, what will I put inside? I need to gives this all some thought.

Good Wednesday. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Americans across the country celebrate and gives thanks to the fact there WORK is closed. All the turkey stuff is pretty much a diversion. And the other traditional foods? What about them? Well, they’re just the gravy. Hardy har har. Spellcheck is attempting to correct the “har har“. Too bad. This is my blog.
The spell checker can get his own freaking blog.

We return to this evenings broadcast. The other night, I was hit by inspiration in the form of a kitchen of cabinet. I made a YouTube clip about the singer JoJo.

It was done in good fun. There was no malice on the premises. Yet, I have been assaulted with a barrage of insults. You can read all the comments here. The comments are way funnier than the actual clip!

YouTube user JoJoHilaryFan (my guess is that this person likes JoJo) had this to say “Delete THIS NOW or ill make a video about u !! Just watch wen i get a microphone ill post it here and then plp will laugh at wat an idoit u are !! :P … I PROMISE I WILL !!”

And YouTube user MLViscool had the nerve to call me an “assface“. This person is all vocal. But is she brave? I dare her to call me that to my assface

Anyways, I have since apologized to the annoyed. And have offered an olive branch to create an apology clip. Stay tuned!

Can this be the end of Perez Hilton? I hope not. While I am trying my very best to beat a perezhilton.com addiction, millions of others are still off the wagon with no intention of ever climbing back on.

Perez is now getting a taste of his own medicine. This does not bring me joy, though I am sure there are those who are cackling with glee.

The gossip gangster was in Coffee Bean when he was caught on camera getting served. Legal documents that is; not an ice coffee. Clip is below. There is also another juicy video on TMZ.

This is a very informative article about Perez.

Many of you have jobs. Lives. Friends. Hair. And/or a car with leather interior. But I am not the least bit envious. Because all those things come and go. Whereas I possess nine pair of shoes (excluding my flip-flops), which will never cease to exist. How can I be certain of this? Truth is, I am not. But admit this; it would be super cool if my shoes outlasted modern civilization.

And this brings me, albeit via a fork in the road, to the crux of this BP. During the past few days, I have watched several clips on YouTube that have inspired me to watch more YouTube clips in the future. BTW, if I were ever elected as President of the USA, I would make this a campaign promise; as your dedicated man in the White House, I would devote at
least a half-hour each day to waste time on world wide web.

Here are a sampling of vids that pickled my tickle.

An inept burglar
This one is shmulicious
Shockingly Violent
The hexed text

There is also the clip below of yours truly that won me a free conference pass. It’s here on YouTube.

After reading the previous BP, are you in suspense? You better me. Even I am! Are you in intrigued? Good.
What was staring back to me on Drudge site. Just a banner ad? Not quite!

Has anyone noticed? Not only am I plugging away this evening…but I am using a lot of emphatic punctuation! Why? Who knows? I am just going to let this sudden quirk run its course! Hehe!

I spotted a creative. Creative is the snooty way to say “banner ad”. Why use a term that everyone is familiar with, when you can simply resort to jargon that most people have zero clue what the hell it means?!

So, the creative. It was an ad from Netflix. The copy states “Nearly 1 billion movies delivered so far…”

I am declaring an advertising jihad on this banner. It’s an insult to our intelligence! I am mad. Ticked. And slightly annoyed!
There is a whole Seinfeld routine about the “McDonald’s one billion served” concept.  His point was; who really gives a McRatsass? Just because you dished out a billion of these things, doesn’t mean that I want one. Who cares?

But Netflix takes drags this to an all time low. They didn’t even deliver a billion movies! All they managed to accomplish was to NEARLY deliver a billion flicks. Please. That’s pathetic.

You want me to sign up for your service? Give me a damn good reason why I should! A billion DVD’s delivered would be a compelling reason for me to join. But less than a billion? Forget it.

Come back to me when you reach the big 1,000,000,000. Until then, I do not even want to look in your direction!

True to my previous post, I will be drilling out several blog posts this evening. BTW, I have decided to shorten the term “blog-post”. From now on, I will refer to it as BP. Hope you like it. If you don’t, feel free to address it at our next corporate meeting. Better yet, just come over to me during the office Christmas party. I am usually in a jovial mood during this Yuletide  gathering.

This afternoon, not early afternoon or late afternoon, it was probably around mid-afternoon. Of course it wasn’t precisely mid-afternoon. Maybe it was. I just do not wish to assume the responsibility of establishing the moment as being exactly mid-afternoon. I was on Drudge. Not on Matt himself. Just his website. Above the news, there was a banner ad that caught my eye.

What did I spy with my big blue  eye? Find out in the next  BP!

So, I was reading a self-help book. Yeah. I know it hasn’t worked. The author said that it’s better to do ten decent projects versus one perfect project. This was in context to a thesis/study. In fact, the book was written much before blogs even step foot onto US soil. Nonetheless, I am applying this theme to my blog posts.

Up until now, they were all perfect. Without flaw. Like me. However, now, everything, changes. I will post more often. But each post will not be perfect. Near perfection though.

I hope this update gives you the shivers.

Does this face belong to Chad Hurley or Steve Chen?

P.S. Make a Google Search for the term “chad and steve” and check out the sub-copy of the first result. Perhaps Google can assist with cleaning that up!

To give you all a glimpse of a glimmer of a glimmer of a glimpse. Not sure where that came from. Wait. I am sure. In a Woody Allen film, back when they were still funny, we must be going back to sometime in the 1920’s, Woody had a line that went something like this “this is a travesty of a travesty of a travesty of a travesty.” For whatever reason, it was much funnier when I actually watched it. If you’ve seen it and you feel my delivery was even funnier, why thank you!

So, I grew up in an Orthodox community. Catholic. Kidding. Now I feel guilty for making such a lousy joke. Anyways, as an adult, I have consciously decided to remain within my society. Mainly for the free room and board. And all the herring and pork in the freezer.

People always ask me: “say, do you have the time“. To which I respond “yes, in fact I do. But I was sworn to secrecy and cannot divulge this information“. To which they reply: “OK, you cannot share the time with me. Jerk. But, I was wondering if people ever leave your community and do their own thing….” To which I reply “it’s 11:15 AM and we are missing The Price is Right. And yes, as is the case with every society, people move out (as well as in)“.

When I was in Yeshiva (Hebrew for college without any fun), there was a guy who was called the Captain. I have fond memories of him stomping on top of my table, whilst I was in the midst studying an ancient text about a cow that tramples a garden (sheer irony). The Captain was truly an entertaining character. I did not hang out with him all that much, except for when he would walk on my table. Still, he was a charming fellow, with a good sense of humor and a brilliant head.

Several years later, I heard that the Captain had enlisted to the US Army. (The name “captain” was more than just a silly nickname!) He has since served in Afghanistan & Iraq. This is his blog. And his MySpace FAQ. He is angry. And well-spoken.

This has been a glimpse.

First and foremost, I am sorry. My bad. I have not blogged in over a week. It’s been a dry spell. Well, I have a valid excuse. A dog ate my laptop. Unfortunately, my laptop was a Dell and the battery exploded after the mutt swallowed it. The dog’s family is now suing Dell.

Such much has occurred since we last communicated. I was in LA; went to a Dolphin’s game and watched Borat. This and more happenings are most certainly worthy of their own posting.

To business. Not real business. Just blog business. My cousin and her neighbor were inspired by my YouTube channel. This was their reasoning “if a dimwit like him can make video clips, we, the carpool moms can surely do our own thing“.

To keep the long tail on a rather short leash, their idea was to create a Jewish style talk-show; discussing Jewish topics and cooking Kosher style foods. They made a demo reel, which I filmed. As part of the guest segment, I was asked to play the part of Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, author of Kosher Sex and another 50 or so books (all good books too!), who not only has a TV show, but even has his own freaking wiki entry!

1) The following is only part #1. If you behave, perhaps there will be a second helping.
2) These talented women pitched the show to a producer and…they got it! And fear not, it’s just them. Not me!

(You can also view it here.)

Cisco Systems, Inc. is a cool company. Even Google thinks so. How do I know what Google is thinking. Well, for starters, I have ESP. My friend happens to have ESPN. And a cousin of mine has ESPN 2.

(Just for fun: Hi Mike M.)

Btw, when I said that “I have ESP”, you were probably thinking “yeah right”. Hehe. Of course I am aware of this as well, thanks to my telepathic powers. FYI, if I happen to be more comfortable chatting with someone in person versus communicating with someone from a distance, would this then render me as “telepathetic“?

We return to the subject on hand. Cisco. So, Google has a beta product called Google Finance. There was a school of thought to name their product Yahoo Finance, but alas, the Google branding folks did not think this was a good idea.

Now, within the world of Google Finance, where the language of the land is Googlian, you can search for information on publicly trading companies. For example, if you wanted to see how much revenue the mafia has generated this past quarter, you would simply enter trading symbol “MOB” into the search box.

In addition to providing stock quotes, Google Finance has much more information on companies. The site features links to recent articles, management information and nascent blog entries.

Anyways, beneath the search box, Google provides two examples (e.g.) for stock symbols. One of them is “GOOG’. Go figure. And the other one is none other than “CSCO”, which is CISCO.