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This morning I check my email. There is a Google alert for “Paging Ari Gold“. The site was picked up by my new favorite blog Suburbarazzi.

So, I got in contact and we did an interview. By phone.

Read it. Trust me. It’s quite funny. Right here.

I need an agent. Not a travel agent. I book my flights on the web. I need a talent agent. And could use a bit of talent as well.

Anyways, I do some YouTube stuff. But I need something more. An official agent. Someone well respected in the entertainment industry. His name is Ari Gold.

So, I created a YouTube clip titled: Paging Ari Gold.

And then there’s this website too called pagingarigold.com.

Hopefully, this will lead Ari Gold to me!

So, my name is Shmuly. There is another Shmuely too. (We’ve hung out in the past.) Much more famous than me. He writes a lot of books. Not silly blog stuffs.

Anyways, he has a celebrity following. His most infamous fan was Michael Jackson. After MJ’s scandalous tendencies came to light, Shmuley did his best to distance himself from Jackson.

Today, I read in Page Six that Shmuley sent an open letter to Britney.

Back off!

Britney only has room for one Shmuley in her life. And that’s me!

Yes. Been a long time since I blogged. Cry me a river. Or a lake. Or a riverlake.

The love of my life, Page Six, dishes respect today.

Corynne Steindler gets her name and email address showcased on the Page Six masthead.

What does this mean? This means that they really like her. Good for her. Good for them.

Amen!

I really want to go to bed. Or at least to the couch and fall asleep to Prison Break.

So I will makes this quick.

The Sixth Season of The Apprentice starts soon. Of course, I will NOT be watching this wretched show.

Anyways, of course there is the need to cast AMAZING people for the show. Fear not. Allow me to formally introduce you to Ms. Jenn Hoffman.

Here are some things you ought to know about this contestant:

1) A press release has been released. To the press. Amen.

2) Jenn is a publicist. The company she works for is now showcasing her mug on their homepage.

3) According to Friendster, Jenn is 27 years old and in a relationship (shucks). She lists her Occupation as: Media Whore.

4) Her acting career began when she was 8 years old.

5) I think she is hot. Melania better keep the Donald on a tight leash.

6) Jenn has preformed “The Vagina Monologues“.

7) The (new)official website for Jenn Hoffman is under construction.

8) No doubt, Jenn also has a MySpace account with a funky sound track. Her list of friends include other contestants of The Apprentice Season 6.

Based on the title of this post, can anyone guess the forthcoming topic?

So, I decided to boycott the sixth season (and hopefully final) of The Apprentice.

YouTube clip. You can read about it here and there.

But “why?” you ask. What inspired this act of “courage”?

And now I will blog from the heart. Rosie and Donald Grump had a public feud. Trust me; this is a blessing for TV ratings. Both for The View and The Apprentice. That’s fine. You feel the urge to drum up some buzz for your show, then go ahead and lash out at Rosie.

The Miss America stuff needs a few more press mentions; grant the party girl another chance during a press conference. Hey, whatever works for you.

What got to me was when Donald called Rosie a “loser”. Why is she a loser according to Trump? Because she failed with her TV show and magazine. Donald on the other hand has billions of dollars. Naturally, he is a winner. This is Donald Trump ideology.

Please. That is so blatantly shallow. And stupid. What is success? Maybe it’s when you’re content with yourself. Maybe it’s also you are a pleasant person. One thing is certain; success cannot be defined as “being so full of yourself to the point where the public nauseous”.

Unfortunately, in our culture, too much emphasis is put on money and pseudo aspirations of success. I think that the Donald only encourages this false sense of success.

Hence my boycott. Do I believe that this will put a dent in The Apprentice ratings? Probably not. But I felt that I had to do my part. It’s up to the public to “tune-in or not to tune-in”.

Gap has a shoe site. It is still in business. The site is pretty. Besides the green. What gives? It’s an ugly color. The blue is nice though.

We know that Gap is hemorrhaging. Btw, if anyone is a Blood Type O, we urge you to donate some blood to Gap Inc. This cadaverous clothing company is in need of a blood transfusion. In fact, with a bit of irony, Product RED has been a blessing for Gap.

To put things into perspective, AIDS is the best thing that has happened to Gap in years.

Things at Gap are so crappy, I hear that the citizens of Africa are raising money to help out this struggling corporation!

So, the geniuses at Gap decided they needed celeb power for Piperlime. To who did they turn? Rachel Zoe! What the hell were they thinking?

Check out this new poll from US Weekly Magazine.

Good going Gap. I can always rely on you for an entertaining gaffe!

Am I safe? Am I being followed? Are the people following safe? If I ever own a home, will I install a safe? And if I have a safe, what will I put inside? I need to gives this all some thought.

Good Wednesday. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Americans across the country celebrate and gives thanks to the fact there WORK is closed. All the turkey stuff is pretty much a diversion. And the other traditional foods? What about them? Well, they’re just the gravy. Hardy har har. Spellcheck is attempting to correct the “har har“. Too bad. This is my blog.
The spell checker can get his own freaking blog.

We return to this evenings broadcast. The other night, I was hit by inspiration in the form of a kitchen of cabinet. I made a YouTube clip about the singer JoJo.

It was done in good fun. There was no malice on the premises. Yet, I have been assaulted with a barrage of insults. You can read all the comments here. The comments are way funnier than the actual clip!

YouTube user JoJoHilaryFan (my guess is that this person likes JoJo) had this to say “Delete THIS NOW or ill make a video about u !! Just watch wen i get a microphone ill post it here and then plp will laugh at wat an idoit u are !! :P … I PROMISE I WILL !!”

And YouTube user MLViscool had the nerve to call me an “assface“. This person is all vocal. But is she brave? I dare her to call me that to my assface

Anyways, I have since apologized to the annoyed. And have offered an olive branch to create an apology clip. Stay tuned!

Can this be the end of Perez Hilton? I hope not. While I am trying my very best to beat a perezhilton.com addiction, millions of others are still off the wagon with no intention of ever climbing back on.

Perez is now getting a taste of his own medicine. This does not bring me joy, though I am sure there are those who are cackling with glee.

The gossip gangster was in Coffee Bean when he was caught on camera getting served. Legal documents that is; not an ice coffee. Clip is below. There is also another juicy video on TMZ.

This is a very informative article about Perez.

Does this face belong to Chad Hurley or Steve Chen?

P.S. Make a Google Search for the term “chad and steve” and check out the sub-copy of the first result. Perhaps Google can assist with cleaning that up!